The God of Life

I am sad.

I do not know what to tell my friend.

I do not know what to tell myself.



Extended Logo :)

Per my "client's" request :)

Have a Merry Christmas!


Mercer 99 Logos?

It's been a while...


I promise I may have something interesting to say soon.

If not,

Here are some logo ideas that I created.

Advice, opinions, ideas?

Thanks ;)


i made a logo.

i just wanted to share...and sorry i've been gone-don't worry, i haven't forgotten about you! haha

here is the logo :

what do you think?


I'm totally boss.

You're talking to the kid who just beat Super Mario Galaxy. My little bro has been bugging me since we bought the game to win it. Over and over again. He accidentally deleted our progress in March, so I spent my spring break fixing it for him, and as I'm always away at school, I never really have time to play it. But...he bugged me enough. And I gave the ol' Bowser the old one-two. Holla!

Haha. I'm pretty much a Super Mario master. Even Bowser hears my name and shudders.

I hope you had a wonderful day. Nothing like killing people over Tickle-Me-Elmo to incite the Christmas spirit. Yea! Keep Christ in Christmas. That's what I want to be known for. A consumerist holiday where I forget about loving other people and about why I'm celebrating in the first place. LOL.

I could care less if "Christ" is in "Christmas". If we need a silly holiday to remember that, the very foundation of what He came for has been forgotten. His birth, life, and death should be something we consider at every moment of everyday. Not just between Thanksgiving and New Years and when you're trying to find a good parking space.


Giving Thanks

Just a few of the things that I have experienced today, and hope that you have a wonderful day of rest, too! Happy Thanksgiving, friend. Ohhhh, and here is a funny cartoon about Thanksgiving. Giving thanks is a formidable challenge ;)

super mario
pumpkin pie
waking up late
numb toes
snot-nosed babies
multi-colored highlighters
autumn leaves
vacuum cleaners
arguing parents :) [hahahahaha. they're at it right now. not bad arguing, but i wish i could capture this whole conversation. It's just silly! Dad called her a scope-creep. Mom said that it isn't her fault that everytime she wanted someone to do something for her, we were all playing the video game. HAHAHA. ]
little boys
(siblings in general)
peeling potatoes
Christmas music
low gas prices


I Knew You Before.

by Dustin Kensrue

You were once a sweet little girl
So innocent and pure
Your eyes were open and sure
Anyone could look right in

I followed closely your gaze
You looked up towards the sky
And I watched your face drift away
Other things had caught your eye

Oh, the magazines and media supplied you with their plastic protocol
Oh, and maybe music television really is the devil after all
But all I can say is I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

Before you grew up, before you gave in

You dream of sharing your heart
Instead you share your bed
And your heart beats empty and cold
With all the tears that you have shed

You dream of baring your soul
Instead you bare more skin
And you wear dark glasses to keep
Anyone from looking in

Oh, the magazines and media supplied you with their plastic protocol
Oh, and maybe music television really is the devil after all
But all I can say is I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

Before you grew up, before you gave in

And all you want is to hear the words
"Dear baby I love you"
So you hike your skirt higher still
'Till their eyes are all on you

You drive in fast foreign cars
The color of your sin
And you tint your windows to keep
Anyone from looking in

Oh, and all I can say I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

Before you grew up, before you gave in

And all I can say is I knew you before
You were beautiful back then

You could be beautiful again

Listen to it here.

this is one of my dear friend's favorite songs.
after listening to it like, 16 times this afternoon, my heart hurts for her.
because it is one of her favorites because it reminds her of a friend that died young.
younger than kids should die of drug overdoses.
and i'm learning to play this song because it's catchy.
but i want to be a good friend to her, too.

this same friend has a hard time accepting the graces of a good God.
and this song has a lot of parallels to the life that we could be living apart from the "plastic protocol" provided by today's society.
we may not look like Heidi Klum or sing like Mariah Carey or be sexy, attractive, or awesome, but there is One Who loves us the way we are.

and it's in forgetting the cares of this world that we find peace and beauty.

and i suppose in some ways, it's good to remember that not all guys are looking for that plastic, cut-out, manufactured Barbie doll. even though it feels like that sometimes.

there is One who knew us before we became what we think is "beautiful". and He can make us truly beautiful, again.


S.T.O.P., bents, and beer.

1.) the website that i've been working on is pretty much up! Joe Leonard is the dude that did all the technical stuff. the design is [basically] mine. i'll still be working on putting in the speaker pictures and jazzing it up, but it's pretty phenomenal.

check it out at www.mercer.edu/stop

2.) i've been filing and polishing the bent for my honors engineering society since like 5, this evening. my hands smell funny. the person whose bent looks the best doesn't have to pay the dues for the group. that would be really nice. but i guess after i'm initiated, i don't have to worry about anything silly anymore, and can just throw tau beta pi on my resume...

3.) i'm really irritated right now. i really love my friends, but i really wish people would follow some lines. if you love this world and you vote for the president and you want the government to do things for you, i think you should follow the government's rules. (with that in mind, even though Christians claim to be of "another country" i.e. heaven, i believe it is our responsibility to "render unto Caesar", whether we feel the government deserves it or not...serving as an example and leader for the rest of the world.)

adding to that, i understand drunkenness happens (and i do drink, and i have been drunk), but i think it is vile to look forward to it. it just rubs me in a bad way. how crass, that we look forward to times that we can overindulge, just because we're punks and have so much wealth, we think it is a treat. a treat to ruin our livers and to trust a substance to ensure that we have a good time instead of learning that we can have a good time without it.

so that is what i have.

i'm going to bed so i can get up and eat orange pancakes tomorrow morning ;)

have a great day.



christian mystics.

They are people who have always fascinated me.

I remember reading in the English book my sophomore year of high school, and seeing the painting of God with six toes. And some how that had symbolism and meaning. For the life of me, I can't remember who it was that created those images, but the fact goes without saying that the name "mystic" creeps me out. i mean, six toes?

it gives way to secret societies and dark rumors.

handshakes and rituals and icons that mirror new age and satanic presence.

the message of the Good News is simple and available to all who God gives the grace to receive it. Jesus was opposed to secrecy, telling his disciples: What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. (Matt 10:27)

so all this complexity: learning new things in order to be enlightened? moving beyond ourselves? how do they fit with the simplicity that is in Christ?

but the more I evaluate my life and the more I pursue Christ,


not a secret knowledge that makes me better,
not a list of religious conspiracies i have to hide,
not a ritual that releases my soul from my body.

but the simple understanding that my life is different
and somehow there is a new man in my body
and that Jesus gives me the ability and power to be great
through His life and His death and His blood.
it's all very mystical, whether we want it to be or not.
i mean, His blood, really?

i think true mysticism is more simple than the religion we have today.

aligning yourself up with God and pursing that singly?

how is that complex, especially if it is your only goal?

that everything ties into this great God, and how can you pretend to live your life any differently?

there is a meeting I have to attend in like, five minutes, but this conversation isn't done. i feel like i have a lot more to unwrap.

but if you're curious, this site may be able to help you out a little bit with what i'm walking through.


have a blessed day, friend.



i prayed over a cup of green chai tea today.

i boiled the water, slowly poured it over the brown bag, watched the steam rise up like wisps of smoke escaping the last burning coals of a fire.

and then i just stood in my living room and inhaled the aroma.

cup up to my chin, i remained motionless for what seemed like forever.

what a glorious scent.

what a glorious feeling.

the prayer had no real words, it was just emotion.

stream of consciousness, perhaps.

oh, God,
oh, God,
oh, God,
life is so big and so crazy
and there is so much to do
and i screw up so much
and all i want
is solace
and to know that i'm okay
and to just soak up all that is good
oh, God.
i love this smell.
i love imagining the smell of all good things are your cologne.
i love being caught up in things i did not make.
i love filling up my lungs with things you have made.
oh, God.
what is to come of my life?
oh, God.
thank you for tea. and for those bushes that smell like apricots.
may i never lose my love and wonder.



I was just going to leave the post at that, with the title. I just felt that the name, Jesus, needed to be spoken.

But I found this song by downhere. It's called "The Real Jesus". Here are the lyrics. You can listen to it here.

Jesus on the radio, Jesus on a late night show
Jesus in a dream, looking all serene
Jesus on a steeple, Jesus in the Gallup poll
Jesus has His very own brand of rock and roll

Watched Him on the silver screen
Bought the action figurine
But Jesus is the only name that makes you flinch

Oh, can anybody show me the real Jesus?
Oh, let Your love unveil the mystery of the real Jesus

Jesus started something new
Jesus coined a phrase or two
Jesus split the line at the turning point of time
Jesus sparked a controversy
Jesus, known for His mercy, gave a man his sight
Jesus isn't white

Jesus loves the children, holds the lambs
Jesus prays a lot
Jesus has distinguishing marks on His hands

If anybody walks behind the Good Shepherd
If anybody holds the hands that heal lepers
And if you recognize the eyes that see forever, please...

Jesus, Jesus
Oh, can anybody show me Jesus
Oh, let Your love unveil the glory, the real Jesus

Oh, can anybody show me the real Jesus?
Oh, let Your love unveil the glory of the real Jesus, the real Jesus


Obama Bin Ladin?

So there has been a ton of buzz about our president-elect's faith. apparently, Cathleen Falsani interviewed Mr. Obama in 2004, and has just now released the transcript. To read it, please follow this link.

But anyway. There are a bunch of words that I have heard from conservative Christians, about how unChristian Obama's words are.

And I don't know.

I know of a lot of people who talk the same way, and say they're Christians, too. Is it possible that Obama is just a Christian who struggles with major issues? Or maybe even that he just struggles with his faith, with the hard questions that we all have.

I personally have a hard time believing that people who support abortion are really followers of the Christ. I personally have a really hard time believing that people who support war are really followers of the Christ. Personally, I have trouble with people who say they are Christians and leave it like that. I think there are many of those on both party lines.

Could it just be that Obama is trying to live out his faith and is just misguided and wooed by the ways of this world? I know that sometimes I get bogged down and say things that I don't really mean or don't mean to mean. Or maybe I mean them but I'm trying to learn more and pass beyond my base understanding. but in the meantime, we just do something.

I think the bottom line is we will never really know the personality of our president. We can conjecture and quote and misquote and quote again. And we can pretend like we have all the answers, and that if you don't say everything the right way all the time, then apparently you worship the devil.

Honetly, i don't know.

This is all talk.

I have heard that some Messianic Jews believe the 7 years of tribulation have already begun.

Wars and rumors of wars.

Death and destruction.

Men are lovers of themselves, liars, murderers, adulterers.

I am a lover of myself. I am a liar, murderer, and adulterer.

In the end, if we aren't wholly pursuing the love of Christ at every turn, we're on the wrong track, too.

Ohhhh boy.


who is lord of the sabbath?

so i suppose the title is a little silly. I mean, c'mon. who practices the sabbath anymore, anyway?

i mean, other than Jews.

us new-Jews, we're pretty slack on the decalogue (a dime-word for the ten commandments), and the other, what, 604 laws that real Jews practice?

so i was reading in mark today.

if you've been reading this page for a while, you know that i've been trying to walk through the gospels. and so john, matthew, mark, here i am. (yes, i read john first. i like john. you got a problem with that?)

anyways. so. mark 2:23-3:6.

the JC is a-talking with peoples and pharisees and scribes, and these religious kids are upset because the disciples were hungry, so as they were walking through a field, they grabbed some munchies off of the growing wheat. and jesus tells them, "yo. man wasn't made for the sabbath. sabbath was made for man".

i am a strong proponent of the idea that God loves us a lot and He put the 10 commandments into place as just a little picture of what His people should look like. not that they had to perform all these things to be His people, but that doing these things reflect the love, justice and mercy that God shows to all men.

religion confuses them as a list of rules you have to perform.
God provides them as a little glimpse of the kingdom of Heaven.

from what i understand, the sabbath is a beautiful time of rest for the Jewish people, when they get to just set everything aside and enjoy their family and friends, quietly, with no interruptions.

so. that being said, the pharisees are still reeling and a little from Jesus' challenge that they're looking at things backwards, and He asks them, "is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do harm, to save life or to kill?"

and these poor souls have no answer.

the little phrase "on the Sabbath" was an obstacle to justice and love.

surely, if JC asked them, "is it lawful to do good or harm, to save a life or kill?", they would've had a ready answer.

i still have a lot to think through on this. i think it can paralell our lives and what we struggle with religiously.

all i can think right now, to get me through the day is this: it is lawful to do good. it is lawful to save a life.

it is a picture of God and His love and His kingdom. may the love of others and God be what motivate us throughout this day. not the rules that we think help us gain His favor.


music for the thought

This Too Shall Be Made Right

Cover Art for /The Ringing Bell/ By Derek Webb

Appears on: The Ringing Bell


people love you the most for the things you hate
and hate you for loving the things that you cannot keep straight
people judge you on a curve
and tell you you’re getting what you deserve
this too shall be made right

children cannot learn when children cannot eat
stack them like lumber when children cannot sleep
children dream of wishing wells
whose waters quench all the fires of Hell
this too shall be made right

the earth and the sky and the sea are all holding their breath
wars and abuses have nature groaning with death
we say we’re just trying to stay alive
but it looks so much more like a way to die
this too shall be made right

there’s a time for peace and there is a time for war
a time to forgive and a time to settle the score
a time for babies to lose their lives
a time for hunger and genocide
this too shall be made right

I don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
I join the oppressors of those who i choose to ignore
I’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder it’s suicide
this too shall be made right



My little sister wrote an amazing article. You should read it.

I'm incredibly disappointed with the animosity directed towards the President-Elect. Yea, sure, he isn't what everyone wanted, but that is why this is a democracy. It was a good race. They fought hard. Both groups stepped up and voted and voiced their opinions.

But as lali says in her article, it can't stop there.

Stopping at voting once every four years lends itself to communism. Allowing men to be career politicians, learning to grant favors based on bribes and underhanded deals, listening to the few in the audience that are the squeaky wheels while the majority seethes quietly.

America, are you listening to yourself at all? One man cannot make this nation rise or fall. It is our GOD who causes nations to rise and fall. It is our faith values, it is getting up in the morning and making a difference in the way people think. It is being Jesus to ourselves, our friends, our city and our world.

Pastor just preached on this last Sunday.

The reason things are "so bad" are because Christians got scared of what was going on, and instead of addressing it in love and giving people the help they need or want, they retreated into the walls of what made them comfortable. Sharing the salt and light among themselves, learning to compete to see who shines the brightest among us, instead of just sharing that very same light and salt with the people stumbling around in darkness, tied to the bland, care-burdened ways of this world.

those who say they follow the Christ must be active in their everyday lives. they must reach out to those who are hurting. they must bring food to the needy. they must provide love to the broken.

We cannot say that we love the Christ if we do not love the ones He died for. We cannot say we love the Christ if we worry endlessly about the state of our nation.

Must I remind you that we are a democracy, and the state of our nation is the state of ourselves?

If we share the salt we have, it will spread.
If we put our faith in God, it will catch on.
If we trust that our everyday, boring lives can be useful, they will be useful.

and like a wildfire, God's love could sweep this nation.
with love, life, hope, joy, excitement.

For all nations to see,
there may be a man in office,
but God is our King.

and He is the one we heed.
He is the one we love.
He is the one we trust to give us the wisdom to live rightly.

and one more thing.

if you don't like abortion,
try being a friend to someone who may want one.
give them support and love.
show them the Christ that lives in you.
i challenge you.
live beyond yourself.
sin is sin.
your sin of pride in your judgment of her is in many ways worse than her decision that ending a life is the best option.

judas didn't murder Jesus, but his actions directly contributed to the crucifixion of the Messiah.
how many of your actions turn people off from life? how many of your actions hurt the soul of others so that they will refuse to hear God's voice?

if you don't like gay people,
try being a friend to someone who may struggle with homosexuality.
give them support and love.
show them the Christ that lives in you.
i challenge you.
LOVE beyond yourself.
sin is sin,
but if you meet someone who struggles with sexual identity, you will find that they are someone who loves hard and wants to be a good person. you will find some one just like you, but only their hangups are socially taboo.
us good Christians, we've traded abortion and homosexuality for arrogance and anger. the two things that caused Satan's downfall. They are easier to hide. arrogance, we play off as concerned prayer requests.

anger, we play off of wisdom, saying so-and-so isn't the best candidate for our country, and he will ruin our lives.

Ooh, and hey, I bet you'll see that those things are founded in lies.

Who is the father of lies, again?

Whose child are you?

trust Him, it's gonna be okay.



so i'm a little bit nervous.

i'm trying to think and pray about what to tell new city about my song. i don't want to say too much, but i do want to encourage my family there to understand the heart of why i wrote it. i don't know if it helps that hv plans on coming, too, so in a way i feel like i need to tell her over and over again that Jesus is the answer.

we talked a little bit last night, and she is really torn up about what is going on in the world...that is from what i understand. she is content with what she believes spiritually--that God is genderless and that it doesn't make sense that we only have one life, and that there is no Hell, and Christianity is so narrow minded. there were times that i wanted to say something quippy, like that we can't box God in, but i think she knows that. and it's just a journey, and a learning experience. and so what if we're "wrong," we're learning, right?

but this whole arguement is what made my heart burn with the questions that basically wrote "solution".

if Jesus is a placebo, what do I do to make my life better?
if God is not God, what happens to the good and bad things that I do?
if the Bible isn't the word of God, how do I know what really matters in life?
how do I find solace, comfort and love?
how do I answer the hard questions like who's right is it to take a life (i.e., is there any difference between abortion and the death penalty?), or who should i vote for, or who do i trust and how do i live my life?

and over and over, all my heart has said for the past few years is this:

"there is a solution"

i have it written on a piece of paper next to my bedroom door at home.

there is a solution to all this mess and hurt.
there is a solution to the pain that people feel.
there is a solution to the things that people believe.
there is a solution to my complicated, complex heart.

and over and over, all the time, whether i think it through or i just feel it in my spirit, something whispers,

"Jesus is the solution".

And all the things that we do to make God happy are meaningless because they are just silly little things. and God doesn't want our good works, He wants us, and Jesus is the solution.

But we forget...I forget that. A lot. I screw up a lot. I hate myself a lot. Maybe more than I should hate myself.

and I get frustrated and I want nothing more than to run away and start over. these sentiments were reflected in a journal entry/prayer i said once on a scrap of paper...

"take my heart, i don't want it. all i do is make it worse."

and these things are what the sweet Spirit of God brought to me that one late night when i couldn't sleep. this song, "solution". i pray that it encourages you and that you realize the love and freedom that is in the Christ.
Shalom, dear friend.

Click the title to go to a little recording of the song.

Solution by Beth Hyde

Take my heart, I don't want it-- all I do is make it worse.
Somehow I know You think I have value, but I can't get past the extent of my

I know there is a solution
to this thing I call myself
my flesh likes death, my soul fights it--
I wanna be free, there is nothing else.

It is You.


You are love, You are life, You are wonder.
You are laughter, joy and light. You are bigger than all my troubles.
You alone must be my soul's delight.


You came to earth to bring me freedom, sin and death died on that tree
all those years of tryin' to please You, when giving up was the way of

It's about love, it's about life, it's about running after You. It's about
hope, it's about joy, it's about chasing after Truth


V1- revised:
Take my heart, I don't want it--
all I do is make it worse. Through Your Word, I know I have value,
Your love has freed me from the curse.


i mean, c'mon. catfood?

I'm a little bit unhappy right now.

I was woken up about an hour ago by a resident. Apparently, someone smeared catfood all over his front door.


Gross, smelly catfood.

Not only is that mean to him, that is mean to my building. It's stinky.

Why are people so mean? Grr.

Poop on them.

I just got done sending in an incident report to my boss.

Ohhhhhh buddy.

Good night...I hope ;)


something greater is here.

Matthew 12.

vs. 3-8

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, and they began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, “Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath.” 3 He said to them, “Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, and those who were with him: 4 how he entered the house of God and ate the bread of the Presence, which it was not lawful for him to eat nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 Or have you not read in the Law how on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath and are guiltless? 6 I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. 7 And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless. 8 For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.”


38 Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered him, saying, “Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you.” 39 But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. 41 The men of Nineveh will rise up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, something greater than Jonah is here. 42 The queen of the South will rise up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and behold, something greater than Solomon is here.

Something greater than the Temple, something greater than Jonah, and something greater than Solomon.

Something greater than the foundation of their faith, something greater than the prophets, and something greater than the wisest man in the bloodline of David.

Challenging the basis of what they understand, and urging them to move onward, Jesus encourages the crowd to look at what they believe and compare it to knowing Him.

Greater than the temple, He is greater than the rules that we use to get close to God. Greater than the temple, He encourages use to figure out what it really means, to provide mercy, and not sacrifice.

Greater than Jonah, the prophet who survived death, JC would die and come back victorious. Through Jesus would the Gentiles rise up against injustice and repent to wholeness. Not just one city, but the whole world.

Greater than Solomon, the wisest king and part of the hope of the Messiah stemming from the bloodline of King David, Jesus would be the fulfillment of that hope and promise. Wise because He is one on one with God, Jesus is greater than Solomon. Through His wisdom, rulers, not just the queen of the south, find judgment and justice. All will come from the ends of the earth to hear His wisdom, because He is something greater than Solomon, and He is here.

Something greater is here, and something greater is in our hearts, as JC said it was beneficial that He would leave.

He is great.

18 “Behold, my servant whom I have chosen,
my beloved with whom my soul is well pleased.
I will put my Spirit upon him,
and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles.
19 He will not quarrel or cry aloud,
nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets;
20 a bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not quench,
until he brings justice to victory;
21 and in his name the Gentiles will hope.”


"chicken" a la king

I'm a pretty good cook, if i may say so myself.

I haven't had chicken a la king in a really long time. I made some today, with morningstar chicken strips (so they aren't real meat...) and OH MY! it tastes sooooo gooooood. it makes me think of home.

Ah, home.

it's so good. Thank God for good food and for recipes so said good food can be made :)


Matthew 11

So I'm still totally stuck on Matthew 10, but I moved on a little bit today!

It comforts me that John had doubts that Jesus was the Christ, because JC did everything really weird. Weird may be a bad word. Different. JC did everything differently in comparison with what we were expecting.

In comforting John, Jesus told the messengers to tell himthis: "the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them, and blessed is the one who is not offended by me." (v. 5-6)

Not, "Yes."

Not, "No."

But, "What do you see? is that not what God would do if He was among you?" (not in the Bible-my paraphrase)

And then JC turns to the crowd and tells them how great john the baptist is...that no one on earth will ever be as great as john the baptist.

JC also says that the one who is the least in the kingdom of heaven is even greater than John. (which is a phrase that totally intrigues me...)

And then the Messiah walks about how God has hidden "these things" from the wise, and provided them to the children. It is right after that phrase that He shares the well-known quotation: "come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for i am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

sometimes when i get to thinking too much, i fear. i get weary and the worries weigh heavy on me.

Jesus says to take His yoke.

He is gentle.
He is lowly of heart.

What ways to describe Himself! What a way to describe God! Gentle? Lowly of heart? Isn't God big? Shouldn't He say, take my yoke because I'm strong and can comfort you?

He is humble.

Jesus doesn't expect us to memorize all of the laws and Bible verses, or even to be perfect.

He wants our souls to rest.

Sometimes I just want to rest.



So I'm taking a break from doing my takehome test (why do I keep putting them off until midnight the day before? GEEEEEEZZZZZZ).

I just wanted to share some good news that i'm really happy about.

I've been designing stuff for a new group on campus, the Sex Trafficking Opposition Project, and their conference coming up in March. It's really cool to be able to use my talents, and all the compliments help a lot, too! I feel like this is right, even though I stay up really late and invest a lot of time in the projects, I get the impression that I'm fulfilling my destiny...my path in life.

I had a dream a few months ago that I would stumble on success in the field of graphic design. I wonder if this is part of it coming true. Either way, I'm just glad to be involved.

So I've got all this cool stuff that I'm working on, I'm getting a stipend to do it (so yay money! perhaps i'll buy a guitar with it), and i'm going to be able to learn a little bit about web design and all that.

Here are the designs that I'm working with for the website for the c0nference:

The girl is a free vector that i got from a package on Vecteezy.com. what a great resource!

If you are interested in learning about S.T.O.P. and what you can do to fight the evil done to women and children, even in the Macon area (or even if you want to attend the conference in March...), check them out on Facebook, or on the web at http://stoptrafficking.weebly.com/.

But I suppose that's it. I better go figure out how to use Screen 3 and then go to bed...

God Bless, friends.

**edit. these pictures are frustrating. are there guidelines or advice provided for the centering and aesthetic arrangement of images added to these sites? okay, thanks. these will have to do for now...**


Matthew 10

Context is an amazing thing.

We've heard the words, "...if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town. Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves...brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child...and you will be hated by all for my name's sake..."

And it goes on.

Here's the thing.

I have always understood this passage as Jesus sending us out into the world, and that the world would hate us and because of the evil of people that aren't "Christians", we would be persecuted, and all that jazz.

Matt 10, verses 5-7.

"Go nowhere among the Gentiles and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And proclaim as you go, saying, 'the kingdom of heaven is at hand.'"

Jesus was talking about persecution from those who say they follow God.

As Pastor states succinctly, those following religion, the cold, cold belief system that boxes you into ritualistic meanderings of worldly nature, instead of being caught up in the life-giving flood that is Jesus.

"You will be hated by all for my name's sake".

Not by the Gentiles or Samaritans, but by the very people who say they, too, are looking for the Messiah.
Go to those who say they follow God, and tell them what you've found. If they don't believe you, kick the dust from your heels. Don't argue with them. It isn't you who opens their eyes to God.

Wow. Be wise as serpents, not because the world is wily, but because the people who spout off their version of God's word are wily. Be gentle as doves, though, because these people don't know they are wrong, and they are God's children, too, just at a different stage in the journey. Be Love to them, so their eyes can be opened. But be wise, know God, and let Him speak. (v 19.)

This helps me a lot, because lately I have felt that I need to defend myself and my spiritual journey to people who say they follow the Christ, but it really is just religion. Talking to pastor last week helped clear some stuff up, and as always, the Spirit leads with words that are good for correction, doctrine, instruction in righteousness...

may I be bold and confident in what God is doing in my life.

and may you be, too!

Blessings, friend.
The Spirit of Our great God resides in you.

I suppose I could say more, but I have a tour to give.

Peace :)


All Creatures of Our God and King

I like the verses that no one sings.
Thou flowing water...
Dear mother earth...
Thou most kind and gentle Death...
Oh praise Him!

All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing,
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong
Ye clouds that sail in Heaven along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou rising moon, in praise rejoice,
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou flowing water, pure and clear,
Make music for thy Lord to hear,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou fire so masterful and bright,
That givest man both warmth and light.
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dear mother earth, who day by day
Unfoldest blessings on our way,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
The flowers and fruits that in thee grow,
Let them His glory also show.
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And all ye men of tender heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And thou most kind and gentle Death,
Waiting to hush our latest breath,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou leadest home the child of God,
And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
And praise the Spirit, Three in One!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!



Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves measures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink"? or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.


Where is your treasure?
I pray that mine will become more and more the kingdom of God and His righteousness.


Matthew 5

in my trek to hear the words of Christ unadulterated by my past learning, i've been reading through the gospels. as evidenced by my last post, i just got done with john. and now, here i am at matthew.

it's a curious thing, i've heard a [small] number of people who say that they follow the teachings of Jesus, but that the teachings of paul and the other stuff in the new testament is weird.

i don't know about that. i think there is a lot of wisdom and stuff in the books of acts-revelation, stuff that we should read and take into account, not just literally (which is okay sometimes, because the Spirit speaks through our current understandings), but also, it's stuff that we should read and study, hard. We should look at it's context and reasons it was being said, and learn from there. It's a lot of really fascinating stuff. Really. Stuff, stuff, stuff. Shall I say stuff once more? Lol.

but i'm not planning on discussing paul or peter or p.c. terms related to God. I just wanted to mention some stuff that i read in Matthew 5 today.

Jesus is really awesome. I mean, He is God and man, capable of understanding where we come from, because He was here, too. He saw through our eyes, too. He was tempted in everyway that we are, but did not sin.

And Matthew 5 is where the beatitudes are.
It's where He says:
you are the salt of the world.
He came to fulfill the Law and the Prophets.
turn the other cheek.
let your 'yes' be a yes and your 'no' be a no.
a city on a hill cannot be hidden.
you therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

As always, I'm totally fascinated with the statement that J.C. fulfills the prophets, and that not one iota or dot will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. That while we are under grace, the Law still holds. Not that we are condemned by the Law, but our understanding can be opened. And we should live in light of Grace with the Law as a guideline.

If Grace is the bottom line, it changes how we look at the Law. These things, to seek God, is out of an overflow of love and not duty. The only way we can fulfill the Law fully is through pure love and thus, through God, since He is the source and epitome of Love.

Just think. If we truly loved one another and God, we would not have sex outside of marriage, because that hurts people's hearts and bodies. If we truly love God, we would put Him first before our lust for food and other pleasures.



John 21:12

12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” Now none of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord.

I like this verse.

I know that my life is useful. I know that I'm going to be able to help a lot of people. and my heart totally hurts for my friends that don't love Jesus.

The more I've learned and the more I've seen, the more I'm convinced that Jesus is the answer.

Simply stated, Jesus Christ is the fulfillment of everything every person and every religion has ever hoped for.

When people looked to the stars, they saw the story of a Messiah coming to rule the world.
When people sacrificed their children, it was a misguided attempt at their understanding that God would one day bring healing through the sacrificial death of His Son.
When people say that there are many gods, it is a misunderstanding of the fact that God is all, and it is His power, His breath that illuminates the sun or gives rise to life.
When Jews celebrate freedom from Egypt every Passover, it is a representation of the freedom we receive as children of God.
When Jains wear masks and sweep the ground in front of them, it is an over-zealous attempt to care for the earth in love, the way YHWH would have desired us to.

Jesus Christ, the Love of God, is spelled out for us in the stars, in the sunrise and sunset, in the giggle of a 6 month old baby, and in sweet summer corn shucked straight from the field.

That one would die so many could live,
so that we could be free from the cares of this silly world,
so that we could love one another and be content in His grace,
so we could desire peace and truth and grace above
war and white lies and financial gain.

That one would die so we could be free from the love of money
which brings about evil
which brings about pain
which beings about contention and destruction.

The Love of God is to give ourselves up.
The Love of God is to seek Him fully and not our own wellbeing.
The Love of God is to Love Him back and to love others in that same way.

It's to come and have breakfast with Him, or with the bum on Second Street, or with the co-worker who stole your promotion, or with the friend who stabbed you in the back.

Because when we've done it to the least of these, we've done it for him.

And sometimes, when doing this, some people have entertained angels unawares.

I'm okay. I'm going to go sit and have lunch with the Christ. We'll see who that ends up being.



so I'm missing church this morning. I'm pretty bummed.

Granted, it was nice to sleep in, but I feel like I haven't been a very good kid lately, and kinda wish I could be there. Not that going makes me a good kid, but that when I go, I feel like I'm wrapped up in God, more-so than in everyday life.

Ohhhh welll. God is here with me, and I can spend time with Him alone, too.

I think I'm depressed. I've been pretty bummed lately about everything: school, friends, God. I really think it ties into physical fitness, but the more I say that, the less I do. Just talking about it seems to deenergize me. oh wait, i had no energy or will in the first place.

In my search for grace, i've lost sight of self-discipline. I would like to find it, but for some reason I don't want to have to try too hard. I have good friends i no longer spend time with, and i have a mentee that i haven't met, and don't know if i'm the best influence for her right now because i'm so scattered.

Oh well. I suppose that is my update.


senior year.

the chains clink one by one.

it almost sounds like a guitar string being tuned too high out of it's intended range.

perhaps it will snap and you'll fall backwards to the beginning.

but most likely, that's just your imagination and you're going to move straight on down like millions have done before you.

the clinking stops.

you're at the top.

you feel the wind in your hair. it's calm, quiet. you try to remind yourself to breathe.

one, two, one, two, in, out, in, out.

it's how you've always done it. you'll make it through. breathing.

look down.

oh, wait, don't look down.

what sort of sick curiosity is it that burns in us, that desire to meet our fate head-on?

courage or stupidity,

i'm not sure which.

either way, you're looking down.

and you're hanging onto the foam covered bar in front of you.

you're digging in your heels.

it's coming.

you hang on tighter.

you see your fate. you see that drop, that plunge.

one, two, in, out.

remember to breathe, that's important.

look at the landscape. the trees, the little people with the pinsized heads.

your friends riding along with you, trying to prove that they are reckless daredevils, themselves.

click. click.

the car is inching.

the people around you take a communal gasp for air.

click. click, click,

this is it.

click, click, clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

the landscape runs into a blur.

the clinking is a purr.

the wind is pulling at your hair, whipping it against your sun-kissed cheeks.

your stomach is at your chest.

you feel the dizzying sensation of freedom.

the woman behind you is screaming bloody murder.

and you would kinda like to punch her in the face.

because even if you wanted to, you can't scream.

so you just close your eyes and laugh a little.

and enjoy the plummet,

because pretty soon it's all over.

and you'll be wishing you were at the top again,

digging in your heels

and tasting freedom

even if it is for 30 seconds.



1.Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2.Put it on shuffle
3.Press play
4.For every question, type the song that's playing
5.When you go to a new question, press the next button
6.Don't lie just to be cool ...psht. like I would do THAT.

This is the soundtrack of my Life

Opening Credits: "Waking Up" by Charlie Hall - On The Road to Beautiful

Birth: "I Got a Feeling" by Third Day - Wire

Waking Up: "Make You Dance" by Squad Five-O

First Day At School: "Welcome in this Place" by Hillsong - God He Reigns

Falling In Love: "A Well Respected Man" by the Kinks - Juno Sountrack (Talk about ironic? Interesting...)

Fight Song: "Yours is the Kingdom" by Hillsong - God He Reigns

Breaking Up: Peter Gynt Suite No. 2: Arabian Dance by Grieg (? that's what I get for having Classical music on my computer)

Prom: "About You" by ZOEgirl - Room to Breathe

Life's Okay: "The Very End" by Derek Webb - The Ringing Bell

Mental Breakdown: "You're Worthy of My Praise" - Rescue Mission Praise

Driving: "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay - Jars of Clay

Flashback: "No Greater Love" by Steven Curtis Chapman - Declaration

Getting Back Together: "Treasure of You" by Steven Curtis Chapman - Heaven in the Real World

Wedding: "Lord Let Your Glory Fall" by Phillips, Craig and Dean - Here I Am to Worship

Birth of Child: "I Will Not Forget You" - Random.

Final Battle: "Sing a Song" by Third Day, but sung by a rip off.

Death Scene: "Help!" by the Beatles

Funeral Song: "The Everlasting" by Third Day - Offerings 2

End Credits: "That Where I Am, There You May Also Be" by Rich Mullins - the Jesus Record


Roman 12:9-21


9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." 20To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

The Message:

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it.

Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good.

Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame.

Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant.

Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder.

Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath.

Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down.

Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up.

Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone.

If you've got it in you, get along with everybody.

Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do.

"I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink.Your generosity will surprise him with goodness.

Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.


moving sucks.

i'm really sad.

i just wanted to say that somewhere.

change is hard, and i wish that jessica wasn't leaving.

i was thinking about why that bothers me so much and i think it is because ever since i met her last year, i totally wanted her to be my friend. and so i was also looking forward to having her as a boss because that would somehow define our relationship (even if it was going to be really hard, because all the other res lifers said it would be...so i suppose i should be happy she is leaving?). But now, it's another one of those things. People walk in and out of your life and you play an itty bitty part in making them smile one day or laugh another, but after that, they are gone.

To name a few: J.D., E.C., A.W., A.E., K.C., R.C., P.E., B.F., K.G., A.H., and perhaps, now J.M.. People that encourage you to keep in touch, you feel a strong connection to them, and yet, still, distance and absence 9 times out of 10 make the heart less fond when considering a loosely defined relationship.

Is it based on what I do with it? I fear being awkward and stepping out and doing too much. I don't want to stalk or annoy or harass. I want people to be free to make changes and live well.

But my heart still hurts. Dammit, it hurts. I wish there was a solution to all this unhappy.


funny things.

i just wanted to mention how much better i feel about my life when i read the Bible. i'm going through Romans again, and my big prayer is that i'd be wooed again.

and i'm finding truth and comfort.

satan is a liar, and God is Truth.

in other news,

i've been pretty sad today because i found out my boss is resigning. i was really looking forward to working with her this year, getting to know her more and such...but such is the atmosphere of small private college Mercer. it seems there are more problems than good, and people hate Macon, and blah blah blah.

plus i got little sleep last night. it was crazy weird. i only got like, 3 hours. but i wrote a song. it's called "Solution". i'm thinking about posting it up here, but dunno how the internet works, and would much rather develop it on my own without someone stealing it and jazzing it up...just yet. maybe i'll play it at my church sometime.

i use a little riff i've been playing for the past 3 years. i'm glad to actually use it in a song. the poor thing has had no purpose except keeping me company since it's creation. lol.

anyways. i'm going to go pack and call Lauren.

have a great night :)


the devil is a pansy. then why do i listen to him?

it's been a really long time.

stuff still isn't sorted out, but it's coming? maybe?

we were listening to tony evans on the radio and he mentioned lions, how they roar to intimidate competitors after they have killed their prey, not beforehand. they don't want packs of jackals showing up, because then, the lion will just leave their kill. mr. evans related this to satan. satan is all talk, and we get scared by his roar, but if we just show up, he'll run off. pansy. lol.

but that brings up more stuff. what is the Christian...how is the Christian supposed to be different?

over and over again, it seems like we are supposed to be different by this little set of beliefs that we have, namely in God and in the Trinity and in the Christ who saved us.

and that's it, we're saved for one day far away.

but what about today?

and what about our lives?

and what about pain?

and what about real death and scary things?

what about really standing up to that pansy, the devil, knowing we've already won?

is being a Christian supposed to change how we react and how we handle everything?

and do you have to work at it, or is it really the Spirit moving in us?

because humanitarians work really hard, and they say Jesus is a placebo to help us get things done.

and that is part of the reason i've been struggling so much lately.

if Jesus is a placebo,
and my whole life is defined by God,
what good are my good works?

the J.C.

even though part of me feels like that is true.


how do I know that it is the Spirit at work, and not me just pretending it is?

i'm tired of living little.

i don't think i can handle this part time Jesus thing.

i want it all.

and i don't want to stutter

or stammer

or fidgit

or sway.

i don't want to pretend that i'm real and yet i am continually fearing and falling.

there is so much more, so much more.

do you struggle with this, too?


on love, purity, goodness and sincerity.

The last post is a little sad and I didn't want to look at it anymore.

Still feeling weird, but it's all about baby steps, baby steps.

So, for a new little post, here is 1 Tim 1:3-7.

The italicized part is what I want to be about.

"As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into vain discussion, desiring to be teachers of the law, without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make confident assertions."

love. purity. goodness. sincerity.

that is what i want.

oh, what a journey. more to come.



please pray for me. stuff isn't right, and i don't know how wrong it is. life is a struggle, right now. i don't know if people see it, but i feel it.

you may wonder what's up.

and it's, like, everything.

school, people, relationships, God.

choosing to live life rather than embrace death.

i apologize for the cryptics, but even i don't know how to put it into coherent sentences.

it just hurts and i'm really confused


there is a reason

these folks have a lot of really good songs.

From the album Overdressed by Cademon’s Call

Late at night I wonder why
Sometimes I wonder why
Sometimes I'm so tired
I don't even try
Seems everything around me fails
But I hold on to the promise
That there is a reason

Late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see
The history of the saints who've gone in front of me
Through famine, plague and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason

He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There's a time to live and a time to die
A time for wonder and to wonder why
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason

I believe in a God who sent His only son
To walk upon this world and give His life for us
With blood and tears on a long, dark night
We know that He believed
That there is a reason
There is a reason


For the lonely nights
And broken hearts
The widow's mite
In the rich man's hand
And the continent
Whose blood becomes a traitor

For the child afraid to close their eyes
The prayers that seem unanswered
There is a reason
There is a reason

chelsea and i dropped nicole off at the greyhound bus station last night at 10:30 and saw that there was a young lady sitting there. i asked if she needed a ride anywhere, and she just said that she was waiting for her next bus...which was coming at 1:30am. after finding out they actually close the station at like, 11:30, i asked her to come along with us. perfect strangers. it was a little sketchy. but i didn't want her sitting in the middle of macon georgia with no cover, no security.

so we went back to my place, and i gave her some cereal since she didn't have dinner (she wouldn't eat real food...i tried...), and we talked.

her name is blair and she is headed back to florida. she is 20 and in the air force reserves, and she has a one year old and a 7 month old. her ex-boyfriend has been watching the kids for the past two weeks.

i don't know. like cademon's call said, there is a reason.

we saw her off on the bus at 1:40. a little bit much of a later night than normal, but i think it was appropriate. say a prayer for her. i think God is chasing her, too.


on wheelchairs and dayquil

i've been sick :(

i actually got sick the morning we left for stone mountain. i think i'm at the tail end of it, but it made the week/weekend quite interesting. the worst of it was saturday and sunday. for right now, i'm milking it for all it's worth.

tobyMac was AwESoME, shane and shane were groovy as always, and i had a great time with my family.

if you've never heard christopher coleman, he was pretty engaging, and you should check him out when you get the time. there aren't really any videos online of him straight up speaking, but you can get a taste of him at youtube on a promotional video for his ministry: Empower Ministries.

his story:

c.c. was declared dead at birth. the doctors told his parents they lost their son, pulled a blanket across his face, and put him in the back of the room so that they could focus on birthing c.c.'s twin sister. when his sister cried at birth 15 minutes later, the doctors heard a noise in the back of the room. miraculously, c.c. was alive. after atleast 15 minutes of no oxygen, though, it was said he would be nothing more than a vegetable. never walk, never talk, never move or think.

not wanting to raise a kid in his condition, c.c.'s dad left, leaving his mom with 7 kids to raise single-handedly.

c.c. never went to school because everyone though he would never be able to learn, but for nine years, he would crawl out of his bed at night, get books from his sister's room, crawl to the bathroom, and by night taught himself to read and sound out words.

one the day he decided to surprise his mom with this accomplishment, he read the news ticker on the weather channel. she was shocked and thrilled that her invalid son who was never supposed to be able to think...ever...would be able to read. getting an iq test, after never having any schooling, c.c.'s intellegence was on the 9th grade level. they enrolled him in school and he graduated 5th in his class. he then went and studied at marietta's SPSU.

when he received his degree, though, he felt God calling him to share his story across the states. "Look at me, God", c.c. recalls himself saying, "Look at my hands that don't move right, listen to my voice, look at my feet that don't go where I want them to go." and he says God said back to him, "I don't have to look at you. I made those hands. I made that voice. I made those feet. And I don't make junk." he then connects it to John 9:1-3, where Christ heals a blind man. "who sinned that this man would be born blind," asks the disciples. "no one sinned," says the Christ, "rather, he was born this way so that the works of God may be displayed in him."

so c.c. went, and here he is, sitting in his wheelchair before hundreds of people, telling them that they are in wheelchairs, too. "you may not be disabled like i am, but you have things holding you back."

"people seem to think that miracles went out with Jesus. i'm here before you now, if for nothing else, for you to see a miracle. i am a miracle."

"one thing i've found is that if God is not enough for you, nothing will ever be enough."

getting out of his wheelchair and kneeling in front of us, it is obvious how useless his legs are. "let me show you something," he says. he then crawls stage right, where there is a cross, and he grabs a rope attached to it, and lifts himself up to standing position and hangs on to the cross. still standing, he whispers out to the crowd in his fitful, broken speech,

"listen to me. you can never lean on the cross if you're sitting in your wheelchair. i'm physically disabled. what's your excuse?"

go disable.
God is Able.

what's my excuse?


i found it :)

I've Always Loved You

I don't know how to explain it
But I know that words will hardly do
Miracles with signs and wonders
Aren't enough for me to prove to you

Don't you know I've always loved you
Even before there was time
Though you turn away
I'll tell you still
Don't you know I've always loved you
And I always will

Greater love has not a man
Than the one who gives his life to prove
That he would do anything
And that's what I'm going to do for you


On our way out to the Stone Mountain.
I'm excited.
Last night I was looking at pictures from high school.
A mini album my dear friend reva composed.
One jacki jones put together.
pictures i took.
pictures from prom.
pictures from the senior trip to the lake.
and it kinda hit me.

i lost 40 pounds going to college.
i've gained 20 back.
part of that is because i couldn't handle the attention.
but i think the biggest part is i couldn't let go of the fat girl mentality.

but looking at the pictures last night kinda made some stuff click.

that is not who i am.
i am not that girl.
i should live like i am not.

i live in bondage because that was how i did it for my whole life.
bondage to food, to laziness, to a sedentary lifestyle.
and most of the time, i still imagine myself locked up there.
but i look different. i am different.

i felt God telling me that it's the same with my spiritual walk.
i may imagine myself in chains but my big God has set me free and i'm someone else. i'm not stuck.

it's the same :)

okay. i'm leaving for ATL for real, now.

until the weekend! we'll talk later


don't you know i'll always love you?

something something.

i think it goes something like,

"don't you know i've always loved you
long before there was time..."

something something

..."i'll love you still...don't you know i'll always love you, and i'll always will..."

i actually think it's mac powell's voice singing it. not sure, but...it's a song that i hear on the radio and it makes me happy, much like Happy, Only the World, and Made to Love.

so if you know that song or those lyrics, please let me know... :)

gone to stone mountain for AtlantaFest!! See you in three days!

Shalom :)

sniper prayers.

i'm staying up late because i'm waiting to install the software so i can have my printer back.

passport camps are in full swing.

this is going to be exciting.

as i was walking, doing my rounds, i saw this group of kids walking, and they're like, middle schoolers. the cloud of cologne wafts by and i'm caught up in how much i hated high school and freshman boys thinking that half a bottle of axe somehow makes it possible to only shower once a week. i see this one kid, walking alone, jog up to another boy and tap him on the shoulder. he is wearing this weird hat with a lifesize fish attached to it. it was obvious he was alone.

and my heart just jumped to him and i prayed for him without even thinking about it.

that God would give him a double portion of His Spirit. or something.

it's like sniper praying. i see someone. a baby at the mall, a person driving on the phone, reading a book at the airport.

and the Spirit within calls and i can't help but ask God to be there with them. but He was the one that put that pull there in the first place. and i feel like begging God to touch them is like, thwarting the enemy. actively putting my faith in the One who can fulfill everything i ask and more. it's exciting.

it makes me wonder why i don't always step out for myself. and claim Hope and Truth for myself.


made cookies and muffins and spaghetti today. going to atlantafest wednesday!

hoping all is well on your end of cyberspace.

[edit: pictures! the first one is me and my dad and my little brothers, toph and michael. the second two are my cookies. i made my hand, and that was awesome, and then i made hearts. and i overcooked said hearts. we were thinking that perhaps they should be an advertisement for interracial marriage. because we're all the same, just some are more brown than others. (I mean, geez. look at that picture for crying out loud. i'm a freakin' indian compared to my dad and brothers...)...lol.

end edit.]


beetles, bugs and little boys

i'm working on uploading some pictures from today. but my printer died and i need to reinstall it, but i don't have the cd for installation, so i'm just going to install the stuff for the camera, and hopefully i'll have some rockin' pics up here, shortly.

i went home friday, and hung out with the fam until noon today. it was stupendous, and i love them a lot. it was kinda weird going back to southside, as they are so much bigger than new city, and i didn't know what to do with myself at the "invitation", since i haven't experienced one of those in like, a year.

[and dang it, as a side note. i just installed the software and found out i don't have the silly cord that i need to transfer the silly photos. AGH!]

but it was nice for a break from new city. last week, i was in a bad mood. chuck hurt my feelings, though i doubt he knows that, and it made me angry. i probably should talk to him about it, but the funny thing is that it really isn't that big of a deal, but...whatever.

i'm going to atlantafest on thursday! shane and shane (YEA!), tobymac(YeA yea!!!!), building 429 (which I'm the least excited about...sad...) we'll be camping. i'm stoked. hopefully the weather will be splendid.

other than that, i worked the check-in today for passport camps. bugs were flying around. i said they were potato bugs and jessica said they weren't because potato bugs are roly polies. and so i was confused and looked them up on wikipedia.

apparently there is a difference between "bugs" and "beetles".


i hope you have a great week. i know i will :)


what's that noise?

so i am really liking this summer thing so far. i don't feel overly stressed, i'm taking time for myself and others, i'm having a wonderful experience with the internship, office of residence life, and churchness.

and i get to be crafty and just have an all around good time.

my newest addition to the line of t-shirts i've designed is as follows:

Yay! As a staff, we've played our fair share of Rock Band together. Someone makes dinner, and for a while there, we would inevitably retire to the Alpha Gamma Delta house for some awesome jams on controllers that make us feel like rockstars. EXCITING! I'm thrilled. This is one of my favorite shirts i've done so far.
Now, with that in mind, every time I make a shirt it's my new favorite.
Yay for rock band and yay for friends.
I gotta go. Dee-dee is here today and i'm on her computer! whoops :)



the first five sentences i wrote here were kinda sad and lame. but i just took a 30 minute break during which i talked on the phone to my dear friend priscilla...and...

i changed my mind, so i erased those things.

can i do that?

i just did.

so boo-ya.

i'm happy.


not sad.

have a great day :)

(p.s. priscilla, i would've written more, but i'm sleepy. looks like you're just going to have to come back another day...)



the more i seek You
the more i find You
the more i find You
the more i love You

i want to sit at Your feet
drink from the cup in Your hands
lay back against You and breathe
feel Your heartbeat

this love is so deep,
it's more than i can stand
i melt in Your peace
it's overwhelming.

by zach neese

sit in adoration,
learn at his feet
drink and accept a marriage proposal to this big God.
lay down close to Him
feel my heart beat with Him
dizzy in love

it's coming.


yes, yes He would.

so on the list of things that i like next to

little siblings
making crafty things
law and order svu
good books

i have recently added postsecrets. it's all the rage. people send in postcards with their secrets on them. some are crazy. some seem very fake. others pull at my heart because i feel them and i know how that person feels.

if you haven't checked it out, go right ahead. i'll wait for you to finish looking around.

[awkward pause...maybe some elevator music]

oh, you're back, eh? spiffy.

well then, i'm sure you saw this one:

and all i want to say is yes, yes He would.

i pray that Jesus would be the Love in us, so that those who are in fist to fist combat with demons would be able to connect to a God bigger than and greater than our silly rules and standards.

and perhaps soon, even we who are His will be able to look our addictions to food and affection and laziness in the eye and lay them at the feet of Love and be free from such awful bondage.

Hosanna! i can't wait for that day.


it's amazing what not turning your laptop on can do for you...

1.) i haven't posted in three days, and i'm okay with it.
2.) i've barely checked my email. it's very freeing.
3.) i've actually done things like go to the gym and play guitar and walk around downtown.

My mom and the boys are in California this week. My sister is in Douglasville, and my dad is at home. It's funny, we're like, spread out.


I don't really have anything poignant to say. I'm reading through Deuteronomy, and I don't know about you, but my God is a green God. Even through the law of the Old Testament, it looks to me like God is concerned about taking care of the earth.
Deut 20:19-20 talks about not cutting down trees (that are good for food) when in times of war. 22:6-7 instructs God's people to not take a mother bird with her eggs.

There are a few more.

I think I'm going to bring a recycling bin to NCCd on sunday for all of the water bottles we dispose of on a regular basis. I think it's time that God's people start respecting God's first gift to us. (edit: check this movie!)


wedding parties

I'm sorry for two posts in one day (again) but I just feel like I have some stuff I need to say to someone and as it is a little late right now (and I'm not sure if my mom has made it to California, yet), I'm going to type it out here.

Today was a good day.
but I think I'm in a funk.

I have wasted time.
I have spent time that I could have used to be a friend on the computer, on books, on guitar, on tv.
I have spent time that I could have been doing something productive or edifying...by moping and feeling bad about wasting time.

Garbage, I know.

I talked to a dear friend today. Once, she told me she wanted me to be in her wedding party. That is when we were really close. Since then, I've been in a funk and I've not really been a good friend. Anyways. She mentioned today that she probably wouldn't have me in there anymore.

Which doesn't really matter, because it's just a silly bridesmaid dress, but what does matter is why.
She mentioned having too many people, and someone else (a friend) that she felt needed to be in it more.

Probably because I've been in my own little world. Moping instead of just being a real person and engaging others. The sad part is this isn't the only relationship I've dropped over the past year. I'm really sad, and I want things to be different.

And part of this summer's goal is to start over, but I'm not really sure which part of me needs a complete overhaul. I like to pretend that I'm really awesome and don't have things to worry about and that I just think about Jesus all the time and everyone loves me...

but there is something more, another connection, and emotional ability that needs to be reforged. I have changed, and I feel like it is for the worse. In some ways for the better, but in others for the worse.

I just want to connect to people and not worry about my own selfish desires. I don't want to waste time anymore. I want to have real friends.




by Hillsong

Verse 1
I see the king of glory
Coming down the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

Verse 2
I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Staring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart for what is yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity


Singing this song has a little bit more of a new significance, looking at where it shows up in the Bible, and what "Hosanna" means.

"Hosanna" mean, "rescue us". I don't know how many times you have felt lost and down and scared and discouraged, but Christ has come to rescue us!

The most familiar passage with this term in it is the triumphal entry of Jesus into Jerusalem. The people are saying, "Hosanna, Blessed be the man of God who is come to save us in the name of the LORD!", laying down clothes and giving this Christ a regal entry into the city of God. And Jesus comes in and He weeps for Jerusalem because of the pain that has been and will be wrought within her walls.

And then he goes and runs the peddlers from the Temple, doing what Jesus does to make things right.

Christ is coming again. He will make things right. Will you welcome Him here? Will you give him regal entry, not just into this building, but into your heart? He will rescue us. He is rescuing us! He will clean out everything that opposes what God is really about. Be encouraged, and lift up your heart to Him!

p.s. i learned last night that the fish's name is lucy.