1.27.2008

worship

there is something beautiful and timeless about giving God the praise that He deserves.

i just stumbled across this video:

Awesome God by Michael W. Smith


i helped lead worship today, and while i never feel like i'm enough, He is.

while we will never be good enough in ourselves, God covers that.

pure worship, whatever it is, whatever it looks like, is beautiful to Him. it doesn't matter if it sounds great to others or if it is the worst put-together set of notes and lyrics, He takes delight and utmost pleasure in it.

because worship is about centering ourselves on Him...on the God who gave us the ability to sing and play and dance and put together words and music. coming back to Him, broken but somehow whole. coming to Him, humbled, but bold in His promises.

to bring gifts back to Him, because they are His in the first place, and being content that what we've given is what we can give for that moment or point in time.

it's beautiful.

family and friends, coming together in Christ's blood as one--united and loved and loving.

today was wonderful.

nothing compares to God.

may my life and my service not distract, but may it point to the love of God over and over and over.

and over.

i'm putty.

i'm putty in Your hands.

1.21.2008

something else.

i think that i know what else i was hoping for.

straight-forwardness.

he kinda kicked around the idea, passionless, direction-less.

no lead, no idea of where i was supposed to go with the situation.

i wanted to know exactly what he thought, what he was looking for. if he really did find me attractive and worth his time, or if it was a friend, or if he was just playing with me.

i needed more, and it wasn't for me to point out.

i need a leader, a head.

for right now, i think i'm good. i've got Christ.

ramblings of a beggar?

i feel like i'm begging for something. begging to feel something or to be something else. it's weird, because in actuality, i am content where i am. i like being me, i like being single and free and available. i'm not interested in sex or relationships with the opposite gender (right now, at this moment, at least), and yet i feel like i'm supposed to.

but it doesn't feel like it is the right time. can i trust my gut for that? the timing doesn't feel right? or was it really that he isn't the one that i should make the time right for? or should i have tried anyway? he's talented and funny and cute. but i just don't think it is right.

funny, it seems that i'm much more content pouring into and getting poured into by others. i would much rather pursue friendship with people that need it and need to see Christ than to fulfill my own relational desires. i would much rather have dinner with chuck, janel, autumn and skyler than watch a movie with duke. it would be ten times more rewarding to me to play the wii with toph and to hold michael for an hour than to talk for fifteen minutes with someone who wants to have a relationship. i would rather run through the rain into wal-mart to check the five dollar bin for silly movies that watch a serious romance with a date. i would much rather play in the mud, jump on a trampoline, or watch hannah montana than to be stuck with a boy that i know nothing about and feel forced to conjure up feelings for.

i know where my loves and my allegiences fall. it just makes me wonder if that is right, or if i need to reevaluate who i am and what i'm doing.

i just want to be caught up in God. screw boys.

wait that sounds funny.

haha.

i don't mean that getting caught up in God equals screwing boys.

i'm too tired.

goodnight.

1.16.2008

love.

i feel loved.

it is a beautiful feeling.

to be caught up, and to know that no matter what you do, in that moment, life is perfect.

kids.

hm. what to say.

it seems like there is so much.

helping with the church plant has been a wonderful experience so far. i was invited in on the basis of service, something that i had been praying for since i started college. i'm playing bass, and acoustic, and tambourines, and i'm singing. i'm learning about the Gospel, which is centered on Love. i'm learning to be wrong and to stretch myself, and to live and to grow and to be joyful. i'm experiencing God. not necessarily the big, booming voice God, but the God of wonder. the one that stirs your heart as you stare at the stars. who speaks through the pitter patter of rain on your window. the God who isn't just sitting somewhere waiting for you to do something wrong, but expresses His inexplicable joy with all of us, everyday, sure as the sun rises and evening falls. He is in the sunset, in a quiet dinnertime meal, in music, in poetry, in dance, in smiles and in fun. He is in our conversations, our breath, our hopes and dreams, and in our failure. Each step, each moment in time is one that He uses to direct our attention to Him.

He is good, and He loves His creation.

Regardless.

It isn't by works of righteousness, but by faith. You and I are accepted. Regardless. He is in love with us. Regardless. He pursues us. Regardless.

While we were yet sinners.

And even after He has "imputed" His righteousness on us, if we mess up, we don't have to bow in cowardice. Boldly we can approach Him, learn from our erring ways, and turn towards the life we find in Him.

i've met a wonderful family that i feel i can call my own. God has introduced me to a wonderful family that i feel i can call my own.

chuck and janel, autumn and skyler, anny and jonathan. i feel like i'm at home with them.

they've fed me, they've driven me places. we've tickled, played on the trampoline, read stories, watched American Idol. we've talked about things that matter and things that don't .

We've exchanged hugs and furtive glances, pretended to be surprised or angry or nonchalant.

and the neat thing is that i can see God in all of it.

and the best part is there is more to come.