Doing things because I'm supposed to...

is something that I really struggle with. Whether it is exercising, eating right, obeying my momma, or studying for an exam, I don't know where to find the motivation to dig deep and come out strong.

Part of me wonders if there is like a pill or something that God can give me to induce holiness. I've felt for the last...forever...that the Spirit needs to move me. And I think that there are times that He does nudge me a little bit closer to movement, but it is actually taking that step. Actually diving in. I hear, but I don't do. Does that mean God is going to stop talking?

This life is weird. I like it and all, but there are so many things to struggle with. Do we be pious and zealous in the world's eyes, or do we follow the Spirit and be totally wacky? It's weird, because there are all of these stories in the Bible where people kill people and it is considered just. They lie, cheat and kill. Phineas speared a man and a foreign woman, and it was just. Jael killed a king with a tent peg, after telling him he could have refuge.

What does this mean for us? What are we meant to do and say? I don't like the feeling I get from doing wrong. I like--too much--the feeling I get from doing right. I want to just do things because I enjoy doing them and I know the Being I call God called me to do them and it wasn't just me being a pious goody-two shoes concerned about this whitewashed grave that looks pretty but makes people stumble.

I think that times have changed and that the Spirit of the Living God says to respect the rules and customs of an area. "Give honor to the King" - but where does that line stop? When do we look too much like the life that we've been saved from? It is no longer an eye-for-an-eye, but it is a life-for-a-life, except that this Christ, this ManGod, gave his life preemptively. He gave it, expecting a response. And we don't have to give our lives, but rather, it is the best option.

To let go and yet have amazing benefits? Not only to you lose your own life, but you gain His. You gain life in losing it. Both people don't just lose an eye each. You lose and gain. Crazy.

There is a winner. Funny, it's both sides. Christ in you.

So yea. There is a Spirit floating around somewhere and He says that it is better to have this Counsellor than to have Christ physically by my side. I want to experience that. and...go.


Scurvy, Strawberries, and Summertime!

I just got this shirt in the mail yesterday, and it is FREAKIN' AWESOME! Lol. It totally cracks me up. It's an orange as a pirate! Hehehe. I love it. I'm wearing it today. Yay Vitamin C! I think I get really excited a little too easily. BTW, I got it from shirt.woot.com.

Speaking of Vitamin C, I'm also going to Elliott Farms tomorrow to pick strawberries with some friends. I'm really excited...Yum! :) They have goats and llamas and peacocks and chickens there, too, so I'm pretty thrilled. I have a super sweet picture of a goat from last time I went. I'll have to show you that sometime...

I can't believe this is the last week of school of my junior year. I think I need to find something to do this summer. The man from the internship still hasn't called me back. Hm. Oh well, perhaps I'll just be a bum this summer. Maybe brush up on Photoshop and Flash and Dreamweaver. Take a lot of pictures. Travel. See friends and family. Not be stressed out. I think that's important. Yay! :)

Anyways, Have a great day. The weather looks like it is going to be marvelous. So try to go for a walk today. I say that more for myself than for you. :)


papers, passions and purity?

So my friend, Janay, mentioned that today at church her pastor said that women, according to Peter, should have quiet and gentle spirits. My pastor, totally separate from Janay's pastor, discussed community and how sin shredded the order that God had designated, and how a woman's "desire would be towards her husband", but that he would "reign over her" (Genesis 3:16).

Okay. So. This is what I'm wondering. I kind of consider myself a feminist. Okay. I consider myself a feminist. I think that, especially nowadays, women are extremely capable mentally and spiritually of things that some men are not capable of handling. I'm not saying men are the scum of the earth and we should all burn our bras and get divorced and destroy every living being considered male. BUT I do think that women are still considered second class, and that we deserve more of a platform to be heard and revered. In looking for a husband, I want some one that has the same passions and drive to serve God that I do. I see me marrying someone that I can complement, not someone that I have to follow around and do his bidding.

SO. That being said, am I in the wrong? I firmly believe that God made us equal to men. Now, I do want to be loved and protected and guarded by a strong, capable man. There are differences between men and women and I respect those differences, but I wonder how much of not allowing women in the church is based on literal reading of the text provided and not on contextual reading of the same passage.

As a picture of God's church, how much should women be allowed to say or do? I don't want to push off everything God has to say. If my husband is meant to be a picture of Christ to me, and acts as such, I doubt I'll have an extremely hard time submitting to him and working through life...but this isn't just about marriage.

In the church, what is the evidence or proof that a woman can, indeed, teach and lead others? Personally, I wouldn't want to be a pastor, but a teacher, yes. I feel like there is a lot of stuff I'm sorting through in learning about God and what He wants. I personally feel that I would get too emotionally engaged in issues that are brought to a pastor, but in speaking and telling others what the Living Word has said, I don't think there would be a problem.

So what about 1 Corinthians 14:34-35? Women aren't supposed to speak in the church? Agh. I don't know. I feel like there are two sides to the coin, but I don't know where to start looking.

Plus, I need to write a paper for Feedback and Control...plus study for that exam.

What is your take on women in the church and the husband-wife relationship?


For Lali.

Happy, now?

This made me laugh SOOOO HARD!

Hello, again!

So it has been a while.

Finals are about to start. It is the quiet before the storm. I have a paper, a project, a take-home exam, and three in class exams. Time to get this party started!

I don't know what I'm doing this summer, save staying on campus. Either way, tt is going to be a divine summer!

I suppose I'll keep this short then. I just wanted to share some encouragement with you that the Lord has been speaking to me about. I've been struggling about sins that I want to let go, and I fail so much, and how...why...could He, should He still love me?

And enter, stage right, Paul and his letter to the Romans. I hate reading just one verse, so I've got a few others in there as well. (Please do read around, though! The preceding and following material that Paul provides is indeed wonderful!) Context is this: Paul is talking to the Romans about the stumbling of Israel, and how, even though it seems that the Gentiles who accept God are one-upping those poor spiritually-blind Jews, Paul emphasizes that the only reason the Gentiles are blessed is because the Jewish community refused to follow God, even though they were the elect. Okay. Enough rambling. Verses are from the English Standard Version. All emphatics are mine.
Romans 11:32-36

For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

Just as you were at one time disobedient to God but now have received mercy because of their disobedience, so they too have now been disobedient in order that by the mercy shown to you they also may now receive mercy.

For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!

“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”

“Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

"For God as consigned all to disobedience, that He may have mercy on all." Whoah!

Not that this passage encourages us to sin, but it reminds me of His mercy, that He knows I'm fallen - we're fallen - and He offers us mercy because that is Who He is.

Oh, I have one more thing. It's been a while, like I said, so all of these thoughts I'd like to share keep coming.

I went to Passion Atlanta a few weeks ago. It was beautiful. Anyways. One of the times we were singing, the dude up front told us to lift up our hands, because in Biblical times this was a sign of reverence. As I lifted up my hands, though, I felt something else.

I like kids a lot. My brother is 7 months old, and whenever someone he loves reaches out to him, he lifts up his arms, asking to get picked up. It's like he's saying, "Hey! I love you and I know you love me and I just want to get out of this stupid walker that I'm stuck in and I want to be close to you and I want to put my hands in your mouth while you try to talk and I want to play with your hair and I want you to spin me around and tickle me because that makes me happy, and I don't know how to make myself happy, yet. I want to cuddle in your arms and feel how close our hearts beat together, and maybe even take a nap in the comfort of your embrace."

That is what I felt.

It was like Passion Atlanta was just one of the many ways that God was reaching out to me, and I was just lifting up my arms, asking to get picked up. I realized that I was saying, "Hey! I love You and I know You love me and I just want to get out of this stupid earth that I'm stuck in and I want to be close to You and I want to put my hands in Your mouth while You try to talk (I want to hear what it is You have to say) and I want to play with Your hair (I want to know that You are so incredibly real) and I want You to spin me around and tickle me because that makes me happy, and I don't know how to make myself happy (even though I try really hard to do so). I want to cuddle in Your arms and feel how close our hearts beat together (in fact, to know that the same Blood runs through the both of them), and find rest in the comfort of Your embrace."

And it's a times like this week, when I know I screwed up and I don't know how to fix it all, that lifting up my hands out of fear, pain, or frustration, yields a touch from the God of the Universe, whose fame means more than a good grade or a solid job.

And somehow that is where we're just picked up and spinned around and looking full in His wonderful face, the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.

Uhm. and so much for keeping that short :)