the devil is a pansy. then why do i listen to him?

it's been a really long time.

stuff still isn't sorted out, but it's coming? maybe?

we were listening to tony evans on the radio and he mentioned lions, how they roar to intimidate competitors after they have killed their prey, not beforehand. they don't want packs of jackals showing up, because then, the lion will just leave their kill. mr. evans related this to satan. satan is all talk, and we get scared by his roar, but if we just show up, he'll run off. pansy. lol.

but that brings up more stuff. what is the Christian...how is the Christian supposed to be different?

over and over again, it seems like we are supposed to be different by this little set of beliefs that we have, namely in God and in the Trinity and in the Christ who saved us.

and that's it, we're saved for one day far away.

but what about today?

and what about our lives?

and what about pain?

and what about real death and scary things?

what about really standing up to that pansy, the devil, knowing we've already won?

is being a Christian supposed to change how we react and how we handle everything?

and do you have to work at it, or is it really the Spirit moving in us?

because humanitarians work really hard, and they say Jesus is a placebo to help us get things done.

and that is part of the reason i've been struggling so much lately.

if Jesus is a placebo,
and my whole life is defined by God,
what good are my good works?

the J.C.

even though part of me feels like that is true.


how do I know that it is the Spirit at work, and not me just pretending it is?

i'm tired of living little.

i don't think i can handle this part time Jesus thing.

i want it all.

and i don't want to stutter

or stammer

or fidgit

or sway.

i don't want to pretend that i'm real and yet i am continually fearing and falling.

there is so much more, so much more.

do you struggle with this, too?


on love, purity, goodness and sincerity.

The last post is a little sad and I didn't want to look at it anymore.

Still feeling weird, but it's all about baby steps, baby steps.

So, for a new little post, here is 1 Tim 1:3-7.

The italicized part is what I want to be about.

"As I urged you when I was going to Macedonia, remain at Ephesus so that you may charge certain persons not to teach any different doctrine, nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith. The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. Certain persons, by swerving from these, have wandered away into vain discussion, desiring to be teachers of the law, without understanding either what they are saying or the things about which they make confident assertions."

love. purity. goodness. sincerity.

that is what i want.

oh, what a journey. more to come.