so i'm a little bit nervous.

i'm trying to think and pray about what to tell new city about my song. i don't want to say too much, but i do want to encourage my family there to understand the heart of why i wrote it. i don't know if it helps that hv plans on coming, too, so in a way i feel like i need to tell her over and over again that Jesus is the answer.

we talked a little bit last night, and she is really torn up about what is going on in the world...that is from what i understand. she is content with what she believes spiritually--that God is genderless and that it doesn't make sense that we only have one life, and that there is no Hell, and Christianity is so narrow minded. there were times that i wanted to say something quippy, like that we can't box God in, but i think she knows that. and it's just a journey, and a learning experience. and so what if we're "wrong," we're learning, right?

but this whole arguement is what made my heart burn with the questions that basically wrote "solution".

if Jesus is a placebo, what do I do to make my life better?
if God is not God, what happens to the good and bad things that I do?
if the Bible isn't the word of God, how do I know what really matters in life?
how do I find solace, comfort and love?
how do I answer the hard questions like who's right is it to take a life (i.e., is there any difference between abortion and the death penalty?), or who should i vote for, or who do i trust and how do i live my life?

and over and over, all my heart has said for the past few years is this:

"there is a solution"

i have it written on a piece of paper next to my bedroom door at home.

there is a solution to all this mess and hurt.
there is a solution to the pain that people feel.
there is a solution to the things that people believe.
there is a solution to my complicated, complex heart.

and over and over, all the time, whether i think it through or i just feel it in my spirit, something whispers,

"Jesus is the solution".

And all the things that we do to make God happy are meaningless because they are just silly little things. and God doesn't want our good works, He wants us, and Jesus is the solution.

But we forget...I forget that. A lot. I screw up a lot. I hate myself a lot. Maybe more than I should hate myself.

and I get frustrated and I want nothing more than to run away and start over. these sentiments were reflected in a journal entry/prayer i said once on a scrap of paper...

"take my heart, i don't want it. all i do is make it worse."

and these things are what the sweet Spirit of God brought to me that one late night when i couldn't sleep. this song, "solution". i pray that it encourages you and that you realize the love and freedom that is in the Christ.
Shalom, dear friend.

Click the title to go to a little recording of the song.

Solution by Beth Hyde

Take my heart, I don't want it-- all I do is make it worse.
Somehow I know You think I have value, but I can't get past the extent of my

I know there is a solution
to this thing I call myself
my flesh likes death, my soul fights it--
I wanna be free, there is nothing else.

It is You.


You are love, You are life, You are wonder.
You are laughter, joy and light. You are bigger than all my troubles.
You alone must be my soul's delight.


You came to earth to bring me freedom, sin and death died on that tree
all those years of tryin' to please You, when giving up was the way of

It's about love, it's about life, it's about running after You. It's about
hope, it's about joy, it's about chasing after Truth


V1- revised:
Take my heart, I don't want it--
all I do is make it worse. Through Your Word, I know I have value,
Your love has freed me from the curse.


i mean, c'mon. catfood?

I'm a little bit unhappy right now.

I was woken up about an hour ago by a resident. Apparently, someone smeared catfood all over his front door.


Gross, smelly catfood.

Not only is that mean to him, that is mean to my building. It's stinky.

Why are people so mean? Grr.

Poop on them.

I just got done sending in an incident report to my boss.

Ohhhhhh buddy.

Good night...I hope ;)


something greater is here.

Matthew 12.

vs. 3-8

1 At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, and they began to pluck heads of grain and to eat. 2 But when the Pharisees saw it, they said to him, “Look, your disciples are doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath.” 3 He said to them, “Have you not read what David did when he was hungry, and those who were with him: 4 how he entered the house of God and ate the bread of the Presence, which it was not lawful for him to eat nor for those who were with him, but only for the priests? 5 Or have you not read in the Law how on the Sabbath the priests in the temple profane the Sabbath and are guiltless? 6 I tell you, something greater than the temple is here. 7 And if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy, and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the guiltless. 8 For the Son of Man is lord of the Sabbath.”


38 Then some of the scribes and Pharisees answered him, saying, “Teacher, we wish to see a sign from you.” 39 But he answered them, “An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. 40 For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the great fish, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. 41 The men of Nineveh will rise up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, for they repented at the preaching of Jonah, and behold, something greater than Jonah is here. 42 The queen of the South will rise up at the judgment with this generation and condemn it, for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and behold, something greater than Solomon is here.

Something greater than the Temple, something greater than Jonah, and something greater than Solomon.

Something greater than the foundation of their faith, something greater than the prophets, and something greater than the wisest man in the bloodline of David.

Challenging the basis of what they understand, and urging them to move onward, Jesus encourages the crowd to look at what they believe and compare it to knowing Him.

Greater than the temple, He is greater than the rules that we use to get close to God. Greater than the temple, He encourages use to figure out what it really means, to provide mercy, and not sacrifice.

Greater than Jonah, the prophet who survived death, JC would die and come back victorious. Through Jesus would the Gentiles rise up against injustice and repent to wholeness. Not just one city, but the whole world.

Greater than Solomon, the wisest king and part of the hope of the Messiah stemming from the bloodline of King David, Jesus would be the fulfillment of that hope and promise. Wise because He is one on one with God, Jesus is greater than Solomon. Through His wisdom, rulers, not just the queen of the south, find judgment and justice. All will come from the ends of the earth to hear His wisdom, because He is something greater than Solomon, and He is here.

Something greater is here, and something greater is in our hearts, as JC said it was beneficial that He would leave.

He is great.

18 “Behold, my servant whom I have chosen,
my beloved with whom my soul is well pleased.
I will put my Spirit upon him,
and he will proclaim justice to the Gentiles.
19 He will not quarrel or cry aloud,
nor will anyone hear his voice in the streets;
20 a bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not quench,
until he brings justice to victory;
21 and in his name the Gentiles will hope.”


"chicken" a la king

I'm a pretty good cook, if i may say so myself.

I haven't had chicken a la king in a really long time. I made some today, with morningstar chicken strips (so they aren't real meat...) and OH MY! it tastes sooooo gooooood. it makes me think of home.

Ah, home.

it's so good. Thank God for good food and for recipes so said good food can be made :)


Matthew 11

So I'm still totally stuck on Matthew 10, but I moved on a little bit today!

It comforts me that John had doubts that Jesus was the Christ, because JC did everything really weird. Weird may be a bad word. Different. JC did everything differently in comparison with what we were expecting.

In comforting John, Jesus told the messengers to tell himthis: "the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them, and blessed is the one who is not offended by me." (v. 5-6)

Not, "Yes."

Not, "No."

But, "What do you see? is that not what God would do if He was among you?" (not in the Bible-my paraphrase)

And then JC turns to the crowd and tells them how great john the baptist is...that no one on earth will ever be as great as john the baptist.

JC also says that the one who is the least in the kingdom of heaven is even greater than John. (which is a phrase that totally intrigues me...)

And then the Messiah walks about how God has hidden "these things" from the wise, and provided them to the children. It is right after that phrase that He shares the well-known quotation: "come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and i will give you rest. take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for i am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

sometimes when i get to thinking too much, i fear. i get weary and the worries weigh heavy on me.

Jesus says to take His yoke.

He is gentle.
He is lowly of heart.

What ways to describe Himself! What a way to describe God! Gentle? Lowly of heart? Isn't God big? Shouldn't He say, take my yoke because I'm strong and can comfort you?

He is humble.

Jesus doesn't expect us to memorize all of the laws and Bible verses, or even to be perfect.

He wants our souls to rest.

Sometimes I just want to rest.



So I'm taking a break from doing my takehome test (why do I keep putting them off until midnight the day before? GEEEEEEZZZZZZ).

I just wanted to share some good news that i'm really happy about.

I've been designing stuff for a new group on campus, the Sex Trafficking Opposition Project, and their conference coming up in March. It's really cool to be able to use my talents, and all the compliments help a lot, too! I feel like this is right, even though I stay up really late and invest a lot of time in the projects, I get the impression that I'm fulfilling my destiny...my path in life.

I had a dream a few months ago that I would stumble on success in the field of graphic design. I wonder if this is part of it coming true. Either way, I'm just glad to be involved.

So I've got all this cool stuff that I'm working on, I'm getting a stipend to do it (so yay money! perhaps i'll buy a guitar with it), and i'm going to be able to learn a little bit about web design and all that.

Here are the designs that I'm working with for the website for the c0nference:

The girl is a free vector that i got from a package on Vecteezy.com. what a great resource!

If you are interested in learning about S.T.O.P. and what you can do to fight the evil done to women and children, even in the Macon area (or even if you want to attend the conference in March...), check them out on Facebook, or on the web at http://stoptrafficking.weebly.com/.

But I suppose that's it. I better go figure out how to use Screen 3 and then go to bed...

God Bless, friends.

**edit. these pictures are frustrating. are there guidelines or advice provided for the centering and aesthetic arrangement of images added to these sites? okay, thanks. these will have to do for now...**


Matthew 10

Context is an amazing thing.

We've heard the words, "...if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town. Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves...brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child...and you will be hated by all for my name's sake..."

And it goes on.

Here's the thing.

I have always understood this passage as Jesus sending us out into the world, and that the world would hate us and because of the evil of people that aren't "Christians", we would be persecuted, and all that jazz.

Matt 10, verses 5-7.

"Go nowhere among the Gentiles and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And proclaim as you go, saying, 'the kingdom of heaven is at hand.'"

Jesus was talking about persecution from those who say they follow God.

As Pastor states succinctly, those following religion, the cold, cold belief system that boxes you into ritualistic meanderings of worldly nature, instead of being caught up in the life-giving flood that is Jesus.

"You will be hated by all for my name's sake".

Not by the Gentiles or Samaritans, but by the very people who say they, too, are looking for the Messiah.
Go to those who say they follow God, and tell them what you've found. If they don't believe you, kick the dust from your heels. Don't argue with them. It isn't you who opens their eyes to God.

Wow. Be wise as serpents, not because the world is wily, but because the people who spout off their version of God's word are wily. Be gentle as doves, though, because these people don't know they are wrong, and they are God's children, too, just at a different stage in the journey. Be Love to them, so their eyes can be opened. But be wise, know God, and let Him speak. (v 19.)

This helps me a lot, because lately I have felt that I need to defend myself and my spiritual journey to people who say they follow the Christ, but it really is just religion. Talking to pastor last week helped clear some stuff up, and as always, the Spirit leads with words that are good for correction, doctrine, instruction in righteousness...

may I be bold and confident in what God is doing in my life.

and may you be, too!

Blessings, friend.
The Spirit of Our great God resides in you.

I suppose I could say more, but I have a tour to give.

Peace :)


All Creatures of Our God and King

I like the verses that no one sings.
Thou flowing water...
Dear mother earth...
Thou most kind and gentle Death...
Oh praise Him!

All creatures of our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing,
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Thou burning sun with golden beam,
Thou silver moon with softer gleam!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou rushing wind that art so strong
Ye clouds that sail in Heaven along,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou rising moon, in praise rejoice,
Ye lights of evening, find a voice!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Thou flowing water, pure and clear,
Make music for thy Lord to hear,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou fire so masterful and bright,
That givest man both warmth and light.
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dear mother earth, who day by day
Unfoldest blessings on our way,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
The flowers and fruits that in thee grow,
Let them His glory also show.
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And all ye men of tender heart,
Forgiving others, take your part,
O sing ye! Alleluia!
Ye who long pain and sorrow bear,
Praise God and on Him cast your care!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

And thou most kind and gentle Death,
Waiting to hush our latest breath,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Thou leadest home the child of God,
And Christ our Lord the way hath trod.
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,
And worship Him in humbleness,
O praise Him! Alleluia!
Praise, praise the Father, praise the Son,
And praise the Spirit, Three in One!
O praise Him! O praise Him!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!



Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves measures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink"? or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.


Where is your treasure?
I pray that mine will become more and more the kingdom of God and His righteousness.


Matthew 5

in my trek to hear the words of Christ unadulterated by my past learning, i've been reading through the gospels. as evidenced by my last post, i just got done with john. and now, here i am at matthew.

it's a curious thing, i've heard a [small] number of people who say that they follow the teachings of Jesus, but that the teachings of paul and the other stuff in the new testament is weird.

i don't know about that. i think there is a lot of wisdom and stuff in the books of acts-revelation, stuff that we should read and take into account, not just literally (which is okay sometimes, because the Spirit speaks through our current understandings), but also, it's stuff that we should read and study, hard. We should look at it's context and reasons it was being said, and learn from there. It's a lot of really fascinating stuff. Really. Stuff, stuff, stuff. Shall I say stuff once more? Lol.

but i'm not planning on discussing paul or peter or p.c. terms related to God. I just wanted to mention some stuff that i read in Matthew 5 today.

Jesus is really awesome. I mean, He is God and man, capable of understanding where we come from, because He was here, too. He saw through our eyes, too. He was tempted in everyway that we are, but did not sin.

And Matthew 5 is where the beatitudes are.
It's where He says:
you are the salt of the world.
He came to fulfill the Law and the Prophets.
turn the other cheek.
let your 'yes' be a yes and your 'no' be a no.
a city on a hill cannot be hidden.
you therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

As always, I'm totally fascinated with the statement that J.C. fulfills the prophets, and that not one iota or dot will pass from the Law until all is accomplished. That while we are under grace, the Law still holds. Not that we are condemned by the Law, but our understanding can be opened. And we should live in light of Grace with the Law as a guideline.

If Grace is the bottom line, it changes how we look at the Law. These things, to seek God, is out of an overflow of love and not duty. The only way we can fulfill the Law fully is through pure love and thus, through God, since He is the source and epitome of Love.

Just think. If we truly loved one another and God, we would not have sex outside of marriage, because that hurts people's hearts and bodies. If we truly love God, we would put Him first before our lust for food and other pleasures.



John 21:12

12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” Now none of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord.

I like this verse.

I know that my life is useful. I know that I'm going to be able to help a lot of people. and my heart totally hurts for my friends that don't love Jesus.

The more I've learned and the more I've seen, the more I'm convinced that Jesus is the answer.

Simply stated, Jesus Christ is the fulfillment of everything every person and every religion has ever hoped for.

When people looked to the stars, they saw the story of a Messiah coming to rule the world.
When people sacrificed their children, it was a misguided attempt at their understanding that God would one day bring healing through the sacrificial death of His Son.
When people say that there are many gods, it is a misunderstanding of the fact that God is all, and it is His power, His breath that illuminates the sun or gives rise to life.
When Jews celebrate freedom from Egypt every Passover, it is a representation of the freedom we receive as children of God.
When Jains wear masks and sweep the ground in front of them, it is an over-zealous attempt to care for the earth in love, the way YHWH would have desired us to.

Jesus Christ, the Love of God, is spelled out for us in the stars, in the sunrise and sunset, in the giggle of a 6 month old baby, and in sweet summer corn shucked straight from the field.

That one would die so many could live,
so that we could be free from the cares of this silly world,
so that we could love one another and be content in His grace,
so we could desire peace and truth and grace above
war and white lies and financial gain.

That one would die so we could be free from the love of money
which brings about evil
which brings about pain
which beings about contention and destruction.

The Love of God is to give ourselves up.
The Love of God is to seek Him fully and not our own wellbeing.
The Love of God is to Love Him back and to love others in that same way.

It's to come and have breakfast with Him, or with the bum on Second Street, or with the co-worker who stole your promotion, or with the friend who stabbed you in the back.

Because when we've done it to the least of these, we've done it for him.

And sometimes, when doing this, some people have entertained angels unawares.

I'm okay. I'm going to go sit and have lunch with the Christ. We'll see who that ends up being.