5.19.2010

hot wings


i feel tired today.

last night, i had a really bad dream. it was really, really bad. first bad dream i've had like that in a while.

i have an idea for a fun post...so i will do that soon.

but for now, here is a funny picture of me, mary cate, and sean kennedy. MC and i are eating hot wings. :)

5.14.2010

because i "have time"

hahahaha. "have time"?

not really, but because i feel like i do,

i recently purchased three or four books from the internet.

bumping back the queue that i've had on deck for the past two years.

anyways.

new book to be read...it looks short:


i'll keep you posted on what i think about it. :)

5.04.2010

5.03.2010

womans' times


WARNING: T.M.I. AHEAD

Do not read if you are easily grossed out or made uncomfortable about things having to do with menstruation, sex, and awkward situations.

Or if you are going to complain about me talking about it. Fair warning, quit now. Maybe I'll have a better post for you next week.

Maybe. Maybe I'll just stick with awkward topics for the rest of my blogging career. Heck yes!

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are you all gone? okay. cool.

I promise this will be slightly entertaining. Maybe skip towards the end, where I'm just talking about getting KY Jelly. That part is the most funny.

For the rest of you still around, I started my period this past week. I'm not so good at counting the days or whatever, so I still can't figure out when I'll have my cycle for the month of June--which, as you probably know, I'm going to Kenya that month!

and this poses all sort of moral and ethical issues for me regarding how I should best handle my period (if i have it--i'm praying I don't) during my trip. I am really concerned about waste disposal (they don't have plumbing and garbage disposal programs...no landfills or anything) and comfort/hygiene (pads are gross. fabric pads are grosser.).

So, with that in mind, I've come up with a few feasible solutions:

1.) Get pregnant
2.) Use something like a diva cup
3a.) Use tampons with applicators
3b.) Use tampons without applicators

aside from the fact that i can't get pregnant as that would be silly, diva cups require access to soap and water, and tampons with applicators yield plastic and paper waster from the packaging and the applicator.

so, i decided it would be a good idea to learn how to use applicator-less tampons. I would produce less waste, not to mention how discrete they are in comparison to ones with applicators!

in an attempt to get used to them, i have been trying to use applicator-less tampons for the past two cycles, and just haven't done it right. I wasn't getting them far up enough, it was uncomfortable, blah, blah, blah.

so i did some research.

looking online, one website suggested using some KY Jelly as a lubricant. Genius!

Now, I don't have KY Jelly. I have had no need for it, as people mostly talk about it in use for sex and enemas and stuff like that. I am pretty sure i've never had an enema, and I'm a little more sure that I've never had sex.

So I asked my mom.

I know she has sex because I have two little brothers.

And she said she didn't have any, but I could use coconut oil. Ummm. I just didn't really want to use any of that.

So I needed to buy some KY Jelly.

I went to Kroger. They have a self-check out--human contact could be at a minimum, I could just go in, grab it, talk to the little non-judgmental lady in the computer at the self-scan, and be on my merry way to a happy period.

I get to the pharmacy section and all the sex-related products are locked in a display case. I don't have my glasses on because I just came from aerobics, so I do a pass to see where everything is, and then try to see if maybe there is another section with lubricants and stuff elsewhere. No.

To make everything better, all of the people waiting for their prescriptions in the pharmacy have a clear view of what I'm looking at. Awkward. I try the case, but it's definitely locked.

My mind is spinning. Why is it locked? Are they going to ask me questions about what I need and why I need it? Will I have to fill out a questionnaire? Will they want to call my mom? Will 0they ask for an ID? I don't have my ID. I'm so ill-prepared...

What would I say? Oh. I would play it off. "Yes, I need lubricant for the copious amounts of sex that I have with my copious amounts of partners." yes. That's what I would do. Maybe if I spoke breathily or moaned a little bit, that would serve me well.

About this time, I realize that this is completely silly, and I am not needing this for illicit means, but only for stupid womanly functions that [most] women would understand. So I approach the tech at the desk. I speak with confidence:

"Hey, I need some KY Jelly."
she acts like i just unveiled a deep dark secret she's been hiding for years. like a sex tape of her and her boyfriend or something.
"Oh...uh...it's um...not unlocked?"
"No, it's pretty well-locked. I tried. Could you please unloc-"
"Oh, yeah, we should get that unlocked for you..."
she grabs some keys and nervously throws them at me. I smile, get what I need, re-lock the case, and return the keys.

Part of me wished it was a teenage boy so I could wink at him or something.

I also realized that, while down there, I should've grabbed eight boxes of condoms and a couple pregnancy tests.

But I was home free. I paid the computer (at this point, I would've gone to a cashier if the lines weren't so long...), it was even generous enough to provide me a $5 coupon for the special lubricants that make you all tingly. I then jumped into the van, giggling like I had stolen something, and told my mom about the adventure I had just had.

I also gave her the coupon, in case she needed it.

I hope that little purchase goes on our family's record at Kroger so when the send us their bimonthly mailings, we'll have coupons for lube.


So there you go. tampons, KY Jelly and T.M.I.

You know you love me. I hope you got a laugh out of this, too.