6.19.2011

Rebuilding Faith

One day, when I finally get on my spiritual feet again, I want a faith built from humility, peace, patience, quietness, and hope.

I am sickened by the amount of self-righteousness and condemnation I impose upon others.

Additionally, I am concerned about the amount of self-hatred I possess and often wonder if I made a good Christian because of that self-loathing or if I was filled with self-loathing due to misunderstanding my faith.

I want to be a safe place, a graceful person, someone who is wise and loves infinitely, who isn't concerned about selfish gain and seeks only to continue the never-ending, odd and sometimes unnerving love story we've dreamt, heard of, longed for and lived for so long.

To rebuild. Out of purity, love, respect, and hope. To cast out all that reflects pain, despair and depravity.

Learning to start again is difficult.

Pride is commonplace. I wish it weren't so.

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